Greetings chess reader. If you are new here thank you for coming and I hope you enjoy the discussions and themes I try to discuss here in my blog. Welcome. It has been a little while since I have been front of you. Last time was with my year in chess. The latest post was rather uplifting and motivational some might say. This one however will be a much different tone.
I expect many of you have emotions as it relates to chess. Tilt. Anger. Sadness. Happiness. Elation. Excitement. Anxiety. Are all just a few of the massive range of emotions that can rush across you at any moment before, during or after a game. Mine comes in the form of frustration - and maybe a form of impostor syndrome.
I wonder if some of you have felt this as well. I raised from 1344 to 1623 USCF from October 2022 until October 2023. On Lichess I rose up to over 2200 which is I believe well into the 1800s if you make whatever conversion math you might follow. Since this point I have changed my openings dropping everything I know and learned over the last year. And halted most System 2 (tactical and calculation) work and study to mainly focus on learning 1.e4 and all there is to know for responses from black.
With that being said everyone always says “expect to take a massive hit to your rating when you drastically switch openings.” Now most of the time when someone tells me I cannot do something I usually work to meet that with “Oh Yeah!? Watch Me!” and then prove said statement wrong; however, this time something different happened. I almost believed it. Well I guess I did because I manifested this swift decline in my online play. Loss of over 150 points and am now under 2100 on Lichess. So there has certainly been a regression. But why?
Lackluster performance. Loss of focus. Complacent. All real contributing factors. I used to take my Lichess Rapid as serious as my OTB play as if it were a real tournament game. Now I find myself pushing wood - or pixels as it were. “I am simply in a funk” I thought to myself. “This is how it is supposed to be.” However I was smacked with reality when my good friend Evan (aka the Chess Lobster found here), make sure to check him out, showed me my online stats. I literally have no issues with my openings. The graphs do not lie. I am simply not performing after the opening period!
These are pretty glaring charts to be show I am not performing after the opening. The answer was so simple. I stopped doing all my tactical and calculation work to make up for changing my openings to 1.e4. I think everyone knows that there is a lag period for everything in chess. Rating gain or loss. Tactical vision depth or regression. In my case regression. It took a few weeks for my lack of System 2 training to finally rear its ugly head. How did it show you might ask? In my online play primarily. Quicker time controls are an issue. It has not shown up in my OTB play thankfully enough. At least I do not think it has. Might need to look into that one.
However there were also other factors. Not only did I compensate to take on all these new openings with learning 1.e4 my personal life has been busy. Work has been busy. All factors in my emotions on and off the chess board. I also found I started playing another online mobile game that coincidentally enough really irritated me and put me in such a foul mood. Mainly when I lost - which was a lot. And it took someone from the outside to point out some obvious things. For me this was anger and frustration within another competitive game. Bled into my chess thought process. I never looked at myself as a very competitive person but apparently I really am. Losing really bothers me. Like a lot. In anything not only chess. The other thing I was doing as well was playing so much more online but without focus. Needed those reps for learning the new openings right? Reps reps reps! I was overwhelming myself. Treading water in the middle of the ocean without a person in sight to throw a life line.
Now I have identified the source of the issues what can we do to one solve the problems and to prevent them from occurring again? The number one rule in chess improvement is to learn from your mistakes as to not make them twice. This is the ultimate mantra for any improving chess player since the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I have removed said game from my phone. Paused all opening prep and Chessable courses other than the tactical training plan I put myself on. Having mindfulness over my emotions and seeing how much they affect my chess game. It is rather distinct how much of an impact it really has for me. I was tilting. “WHAT?! Me? No way! It would never happen.” Well it did however in a much different way then I think most experience it such as a long blitz or rapid session at night. “I only need that one win before I go to sleep.” sort of crowd. You know who you are. Do not lie to me!
So before I head out remember one thing be always mindful of your emotions and how they affect you. If you find yourself tilting or in a funk it is time to take a step back and understand why. Be honeset and really find the root cause. A break might be in order. A reset of the playing field as it were. Get your mind right and come back with a fresh mental outlook. Just in the drafting of this blog entry I already feel so much better mentally.
Oh also for those of you who follow me - I will be keeping from Twitter for a while too. If you want to get a hold of me you can all reach out to me on Discord or my LinkTree.
Tell me, how do you handle your emotions in chess?
So long for now.